Soundtrack Of My Life
by uncorazonquebrado
Summary: Five different Chuck/Blair drabbles from Chuck's POV. 5-song-shuffle meme.


_**A/N** This is a fic inspired by the 5-song-shuffle meme...(put your mp3 on shuffle and then write drabbles inspired by the first five songs.)_

_I've read some awesome fics based on this meme, so I had to try it out myself (after hoping and praying that my ipod wouldn't embarrass me and let you all know just how lame my taste in music really is. haha) I did have to exclude some songs that showed up...cause they were in swedish, and I did assume that you guys would like to be able to understand the lyrics... ;) _

_If this contains any kind of spoilers - it is nothing more than coincidence! (cause I dont know what's going to happen on the show. And I don't want to, so please don't tell me!)_

_Two drabbles are from season 2, one from season 1..and two are set sometime in the future._

_Maybe I should have named this; "The cool exterior - the ranting below"...hah. This Chuck rants ;)_

_**Disclaimer:** Gossip Girl don't belong to me :(_

* * *

**Joshua Radin – Someone Else's Life**

_Then there's you_

_Then came you_

_When I'm lost I look at my picture of you_

_And somehow I'll make tonight our own_

_Show you every way I've grown since I met you_

_And right now I'll be the boy in your next song_

_I'll learn the parts and play along if you let me._

You're pretty sure the butterflies in your stomach have been replaced with hornets. Given how many functions, events and mindblowingly boring dances you all have attended since well… birth, the prospect of yet another one shouldn't affect you like this. Not at all.

But this isn't just any other dance, now is it Bass? This is _the_ dance, your senior prom. This is it, you know it is.

If there has ever been a perfect opportunity for when you let her know how much you've changed – how much _she_ has changed you – this is it.

If there has ever been a time to tell her…you know…those words – this is months too late. Years late even. So there is no way you will chicken out this time. No fucking way.

Tonight is your last chance, you better not mess it up.

But right now, you should probably get the hell out of Serena's room, before she comes back and finds you here. Staring at that photograph with what you know must be a nauseatingly lovesick smile on your face (that is what she has rendered you to – a lovesick fool - and to be honest you're more than okay with that), for the umpteenth time during these last few months.

It's been your anchor. You will never let her know that – hell, let anyone know - but that picture from the wedding last year is the only thing that has kept you sane.

She keeps you sane, in the craziest, can't-even-think-straight-when-she-is-around, mind-reeling-breath-stuck-in-your-throat kind of way.

And you hope that will never change.

**

* * *

**

Paolo Nutini – Cry me a river (acoustic cover)

_You told me you loved me_

_Why did you leave me, all alone_

_Now you tell me you need me_

_When you call me, on the phone_

_Girl I refuse, you must have me confused_

_With some other guy_

_Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn_

_To cry, _

_so, cry me a river_

_Cry me a river_

_Cry me a river_

.

You're drunk when she calls you, and you sit there staring at your phone lying on the bar. Staring at her name flashing on the screen.

You don't pick up but you're not sure why.

Liar, you know exactly why.

You don't pick up her call, because just seeing her fucking name on the screen make you go fucking out of your mind, okay? Because it makes that feeling return, the one you are currently trying to drown out using expensive scotch, that one that makes your eyes go all weird and blurry.

'I love you', my ass! If she did….you know what…then surely you wouldn't be sitting here alone, drinking yourself to what you hope is an early death, would you? You would be with her, she would come and save you from yourself. (You really wish that she would)

'I will stand by you through anything'. That must have been the overstatement of the year. Or maybe the decade…the century…a long fucking time okay? Cause surely 'anything' should include psychotic uncles trying to ruin your life?

You don't care about whatever problem she must be in to be calling you at two am in the morning. She cut _you_ out of her life - so it should be all peachy and perfect now, right?

She should be calling someone a little more Prince Charming-y (yes, you do consider that a real adjective) to help her locate her lost glass slipper or whatever minor, peachy problem she might have in her peachy, perfect life.

You don't care.

But then why do you feel so fucking lonely when your phone stops buzzing, and her name disappears from the screen?

**

* * *

**

The Perishers – 8am Departure

_Stay, I wish I could stay_

_You could call in sick_

_We could make out all day_

_Or maybe take the dog for a walk_

_Have a picnic by the water_

_Just sit there and talk_

_But not a word about the future_

.

You wake up in a bed that is not your own, and it takes a while for you to realize where you are.

Actually, all it takes is to feel the soft skin of the arm slung over your chest. Then you know exactly where you are, and that is when you realize that you don't want to leave.

You probably should leave before Dorota finds you here and goes all 'God-is-always-watching' on both of you. (No matter how much fun it would be to play clueless whilst Blair tries to shuffle you inside her closet, in a useless attempt to keep you from being discovered by the maid.)

Crap, you kind of hope God isn't watching all the time - that would not exactly be in your favour. But if heaven is anything less…eh…fucking amazing…(shit sorry man, effing amazing)…than this right here, you could settle for eternal damnation. No problem. Because _nothing_ could feel better than this.

Okay, you were wrong, something could feel better. Because she just opened her eyes and smiled at you. Blair Waldorf saw _your_ face first thing in the morning…and smiled.

You don't deserve this Bass, and you know it. But it feels too fucking great not to stay around a bit longer. Not to pull her closer, kiss her and then say something smug and slightly heinous that makes her laugh. To raise an eyebrow cockily in her direction, and suggest that the two of you dedicate this day to PE.

Not to have Queller on the phone within seconds, trying not to blurt out laughing as Blair tries to take her phone back, objecting fierily to such an atrocity as skipping class.

Because you actually think that she's not really upset, and it makes your stomach go all...fluttery. And if she is? Well, making up has always been a thing the two of them are great at…amongst other things.

**

* * *

**

Radiohead **– Videotape**

_This is my way of saying goodbye_

_Because I can't do it face to face_

_Or talking to you_

_For no matter what happens now_

_I shouldn't be afraid_

_Because I know today has been_

_The most perfect day I've ever seen_

.

Somewhere underneath the exhaustion and the pain and the vast amounts of alcohol and other substances – it hits you. As you put that piece of paper down on the pillow - and stand there in the dark watching her angelic face as she sleeps – her words resurface and hits you like a wall of bricks.

She loves you.

That wonderful, scheming, bitchy, witty, insecure, spoiled, amazing, beautiful girl _loves_ you.

The irony of the situation…of your life…almost makes you laugh. On the worst fucking day imaginable - the worst day of your miserable excuse of a life - she says something that also makes this day the best day of your life. Ever.

You wish you could stay around and let her…love you…but you can't.

She doesn't love you, how could she possibly love _you_, when you have no idea about who 'you' are anymore?

When the person staring back at you from the reflection in the mirror looks like a stranger, and it feels like déjà vu, because the outside doesn't match the inside anymore?

That is why you have to leave, to find something or to get lost in the search.

You're not sure which one it is, and you're not sure you even care anymore.

You're too tired to care.

Caring hurts and kills people.

Maybe later, when you can muster up the strength to be someone again, maybe then you'll be able to ask her to repeat those words, so that you can say them back. Maybe.

But for now you store the image of the girl that loves _you_ (whoever that is), deep inside what is left of your heart, and leave her with nothing but a note.

**

* * *

**

Third Eye Blind – Semi Charmed Life

…

_When I'm with you I feel like I could die _

_And that would be all right, all right _

…

You stand there, with Nate beside you and watch her as she walks down the aisle.

Nothing could tear your eyes away from the epiphany that is Blair Waldorf in her wedding gown.

Tidal waves, earthquakes, naked cheerleaders - nothing could possibly distract you in this moment.

She looks…beyond amazing. It might be the amounts of alcohol you've consumed over the years that has squashed a few brain cells too many, but you can't come up with words great enough to describe her in this moment.

She is…yours.

That might be the only word that even comes _close_ to encapsulate it all.

Yours.

Nate says something but you don't know what, can't focus on anything besides her. Later on you will have to rely on the videotape to know what you said, what the minister said.

Because all you could see, all you could hear, during the ceremony was her and what she said.

You must have managed to make some kind of sense though, because she is smiling and crying happy tears and kissing you.

You could die in this moment and you would kind of be okay with that…because she has loved you…loves you…and you love her.

That is all you need in your life – all you'll ever need. But you won't die.

She would kill you if you did.

* * *

_I'm supposed to be writing on my paper for uni...and I am so far behind right now it's not even funny. So, since I'm looking at a possible F in my class, please review and make me smile in my misery ;)_


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